When Worry Becomes Counterproductive
I’m not going to tell you how to feel. I hate when people do that to me; it makes me irritated and aggravates whatever I was feeling before someone said it and makes it worse.
Besides, worry can actually be productive if it leads to action. If you worry about a new lump you just found on your dog, you should call the vet. If you’re worried about a person in your life, you should give her a call; yes, an actual call, not a text. If you are worried about everything you hear on TV, radio or the internet, you should turn it off. No, really, turn it the fuck off. A vacation from the news cycle is a gift you should give yourself regularly. Trust a lifelong news junky on that one, it’s magic.
But when worry paralyzes you and colors your every thought, you’ve crossed a line in your mental well-being, and you have to do something about it. Leaving that level of worry unchecked can lead to anxiety and even depression, which are a lot harder holes to climb out of.
I’ve been pretty worried recently, big worried, human race level worried. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t write and didn’t feel comfortable out in public. Thankfully, after a few days I was able to find perspective by reading blogs or talking to people who care about me. I was able to step back and examine what was freaking me out exactly, and that led to me being able to work towards an action I could do to help myself. At first, that action was simply to repeat the Serenity Prayer over and over until I could actually hear it through the noise in my head.
Grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
This mantra has gotten me through some very dark times and it worked again, once I had the strength to even remember that it was a thing. It reminds me that there will always be things out of my control, and I have to live with that and even thrive in spite of them. I also searched online for quotes about worry. I love looking for quotes when I’m in my feelings. I always find just the right one for the moment.
“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” -Leo Buscaglia
“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” -The Dalai Lama
And this call to action: “Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning.” -Winston Churchill
Hey, WC, all worrying is advance worrying. I mean, what is worry after all, if not a negative prediction of what you fear will happen. Even and especially if it is based on historical information, it’s still just that: a prediction. What if? What if this terrible thing happens? I know my history, shit like this has happened before and it was very very bad. Seems to me likely it will happen again, and in my lifetime, and to people I care about. It’s easy to spiral through worry and straight into abject terror when your thinking goes like this.
But.
What if it doesn’t? What if, in spite of all my worry and freaking out, some miracle occurs and throws a monkey wrench into things in a good way. This, too, has happened in history; and probably more often than the worst-case scenario. This idea began to occur to me as I ventured back out on the internet and joined groups of like-minded people waiting to see what challenges arise and what we will collectively do about it.
So, this morning, I woke up feeling different. I opened my eyes and felt a renewed energy and the spark of something I believed lost: Hope. Because you can’t do both, worry and hope; and I decided to focus on the positive what-if after all. I’m not saying doubt and fear have gone away; but today I’m choosing to let resolve and strength take the wheel. Today, I decided I am not ready to give up and concede my faith that kindness and good can prevail.
The stress of worry overwhelms confidence, calm and courage. Many of us find ourselves there at some point, and many of us are there right now. When you’re ready, take a deep breath and let it out hard enough to blow the fog of anxiety away. The world needs you to reclaim your superpower and regain your hope. And you need it too, because in times of extreme worry, it’s what will help you find a way forward.