I Identify as an Idealistic Realist Extrovert with Introvert Leanings

If that sounds like a bunch of extreme contradictions, please give me a chance to explain. I’m not a fan of labels but I’ll share how this one actually works for me. I can’t be the only person who blends and crosses such self-identifying lines. Unless I’m mistaken, most people aren’t really that boring, predictable and limited. At least I hope they aren’t, because that would mean they aren’t open to new ideas that can fundamentally change their point of view. And that would be both scary and sad to me.

Ideology First

Can one be an idealist and a realist at the same time? I’m proof one absolutely can. I think my above statement that sounds a bit judgy proves some of the idealism. As for realism…

I grew up in grimy, scary NYC in the 1970’s, a child of Holocaust-surviving parents who did free-range unparenting before that interesting style of raising kids became de rigueur and had an actual name. I was a completely unsupervised, untethered young girl; not a great combination but it also means I know what the fuck is up. I saw a lot of adults behaving badly way younger than was mentally and emotionally healthy, and it gave me a leg up in knowing human nature is not all light and love and peace and harmony. It gave me a radar for shitty humans that keeps me a bit wary and safe from harm to this day.

And yet, I still have a big part of me that sees injustice and wonders why that’s a thing. I want everyone in our country and in the world to have enough to eat, to have access to health care, to have opportunities to reach towards the top of Maslow’s self-actualization. And I see how that would make this world immensely better for all of us. It truly hurts my soul that greed and power on the part of a small number of people means that may never happen because to me it’s obvious how possible this is. I just can’t stop seeing the potential for the human race no matter how often the human race tries to prove me wrong.

Historically, there have been very dark periods of time when those in positions of power have kept the masses trapped in poverty, blocked from any measure of success. Kings, dictators, conquerors, have all had a hand in overpowering massive numbers of people and all but crushing them. Genghis Khan, he of the twelfth century, is a perfect example. His ruthless and savage conquering of much of Eurasia, murdering and pillaging and enslaving as he went, is one of the most extreme cases; but he is certainly not alone in nearly making his maniacal self-serving goal of world dominance a reality. And yet, even in the darkest of times, humans eventually emerged victorious back into the sun, showing the potential once again.

Those of us of a certain age remember cartoon angels and devils perched on each shoulder of the underdog character struggling to choose between doing the right thing or taking the self-serving route. Even as a little kid, I always knew which way he would and should go; although there was a tiny part of me that wondered what would actually happen if he made that other scary, wrong, bad, selfish, hell-with-everyone choice. Point is, even though human nature has shown how evil it can be, the vast majority of us choose kindness, caring and generosity over stepping on each other’s heads to get to the top. I know it doesn’t always seem that way. The mainstream media prefers sensational, sexy drama, and highlighting the bad seeds, but at heart most of us are good and this has been proven repeatedly throughout history.

So, an idealistic realist it is.

Then There’s the Social Aspects

I love a party. I mean, I love it. The crowds of people, the loud music, the hum of interaction, often fueled by helpful substances, the relaxing of uptight work-mode, also often helped by those same substances; it’s just fun. The energy keeps me going until the wee hours and I love that too. Sleep when I’m dead and all that.

I also love sitting at a bar and chatting up other people sitting around me. I get a ton of stories this way, and it’s all fodder for writing. You meet the most interesting people when you’re open to it. And if you’re a private person who doesn’t love sharing yourself with others, don’t worry. Most people just want to be listened to with little expectation in return. Besides, you can also lie, although I’m not advocating that on the regular. But I’ve done it with a friend who loves to do it and it’s pretty fun to assume a different persona with someone you’ll never see again. Just sayin’.

So, definitely an extrovert of the first order, and people who know me well might be surprised to learn about the “introvert leanings.” Sometimes, I just want to be alone. Alone with my thoughts, alone in a chair with a book in front of the fireplace, alone on a run or on a hike with my dog; this all sounds as absolutely heavenly as the loudest, most vivacious party you can imagine. The quiet, the lack of interaction and need to smile at or acknowledge someone else, just me, myself and I, as we used to say, helps me recharge, process things that I can’t process in all that noise, rests my brain and my heart and my soul. I can do this for days, and when I crave the craziness once again, because it’s just a matter of time for this mostly chirpy chica, I come at it with all engines blazing full speed ahead.

To me this balance offers the best of all possible worlds and the freedom to choose between them. It satisfies both my need for story and for quiet time to process those stories and see what I can learn from them. It helps me maintain my credo that green and growing is better than ripe and rotting.

If the Label Fits…

Some might argue that “Idealistic Realist Extrovert with Introvert Leanings” is a non-label, just a word salad to describe my own personal nutty way of seeing the world. That’s fine, I’ll take your skepticism and raise you one why-is-this-even-an-issue?

The answer is, it’s not. At least to anyone else but me. This is what my downtime looks like, my wandering thoughts, what happens when I’m in my head too long. It’s probably just all this alone-time knocking at the door saying, “Hey! Enough pondering silly useless questions. It’s time to get back out there and party!”